Last year there wasn’t a day that went by where some youtuber didn’t “expose” some other youtuber for some “devilish” deed. Luckily, it was the year I decided to go on hiatus from making videos because 2016 fucked me emotionally. Since I missed being the whole fad, I have decided to expose myself in this post here.
1. A Titanic obsession
When I was a wee lad, my parents ended buying a whole six pack of vhs cassettes of James Cameron’s Titanic. Now before you judge me completely, I didn’t watch them over and over again for the bland romance or the nude painting part. You see, from the age of 6 to 10 I went through a “disaster” phase. I was completely obsessed with disasters; I had tons of books and movies on them. So I just watched Titanic simply to watch honestly one of the best disaster scenes’s put to screen, and that is the sinking of the Titanic. I just loved watching all those people either get crushed to death, drown to death and even freeze to death. It was a pure orgy of death and destruction.
2. Wigger wigger wigger
From the age of 10 to 12, I was a full blown wigger. What’s a wigger? Well it is a white kid that is obsessed with them hipity hops. I use to blast that Enimem, Busta Rhymes, 50 Cent, Ludacris, D12 and so much more for my cd player. Thank Darwin that I actually evolved and developed some taste in music and moved on from there.
3. Those Men in Tights Though…
While I was going through my wigger stage I also developed a liking for the homoerotic display of wrestling, particularly of the WWE brand. At that age my brain was similar to that of an ape, so the fake violence, and the drama was just so awesome. Big muscular men in tights squabbling like a group of preteen girls was just so epic. Also, those entrances and fireworks were brilliant too. I also loved how it took Undertaker’s entrance like took half the episode. I eventually stopped watching, especially when they began to censor the violence with that annoying freeze frame thing they do. Pffft, censorship even ruined the act of two sweaty muscular men dressed in tight speedos hugging each other.
4. Creepy stare
I know a lot of people that can’t remember when puberty struck them; I can remember the day it struck me perfectly. I was 12 years old and at a cross country meet at another school. I was sitting at the pavilion and waiting for my age group to partake in a 5km run and then all of a sudden I found myself staring at this girl from another class at my school. Girls were always just girls to me, but now all of a sudden this particular girl was just beautiful. I was just staring and admiring her features with my heart suddenly beating faster. It didn’t take long for seventh grader boys to notice and to mock me about it, which only caught the attention of the poor girl which caused further mocking and her awkwardly disappearing. The torture didn’t end for another two weeks, both the girl and I were mocked. Damn them hormones and my awkwardness.’
5. Drug Addict
I have smoked pot twice in my life. I know right? I am such a bad person. I became curious about the all the hype surrounding it and I decided to experiment with it. Weirdly enough, I just didn’t like it. I didn’t like the taste, I didn’t like the smell, I didn’t like the feeling and I definitely didn’t like the munchies. Now thanks to weed, my brain has melted and left me with a severe case adhd. Damn that weird.
Now there you go. I have decided to expose myself because I genuinely have nothing better to do with my time than to prove how shitty other people are; even though when you think about it we are all shitty people. Our entire race is just shitty and we are way overdue for extinction. Here’s hoping Lil’ Kim will press the big red button soon and nuke the shit out of us.
Here is some ol' school hipitty hop from my youth...