So my current situation. I'm working at my school being stressed out, but it's gotten to be more manageable as the year has gone on. I'm living on my own. I am single. I have signs of depression. I hadn't cut for months but now a large family stressor has begun and I've begun cutting again and drinking when I'm around a certain family member that enrages me. So I have started going to therapy every week instead of every other or every 3 weeks like I was doing. My therapist is concerned with my health and is allowing me to e-mail her when I am really stressed out and need a release.
There are certain things that I seem to have a mental block and I have no idea why. I hate making phone calls. I don't really like talking on the phone, but I will if someone calls me. When I was going to have to make at least 3 phone calls in order to get something set with my cable/internet I had a panic attack and ended up never making the phone calls and getting upgraded cable/internet. It might seem silly, but it's just something that stresses me out and isn't worth it. Another thing where I have a lot of trouble is going to the gym. It's not the fact of going to a gym or working out. I know exactly what to do, how to build a program, how to lose weight, how to get stronger, but the fact that I have to walk into a new one and get a membership or just walk into a different one that I currently have a membership at, is just too difficult. I am feeling really bad about being overweight and I want to eat better and exercise but I feel too bad to do anything about it. I recently revealed this to my therapist and I cannot even talk to her about it and I've known her for years. So she's suggested that I try EMDR. Potentially to help the trauma of being molested and this latest trauma with my family member. So that is part of the reason I am starting this blog. I want to write down my experiences with EMDR and the new therapy.
Therapy in the past has helped me get past the current stressors and stable me out. There are some things though that we haven't even gotten to since other issues come up. When I am actively drinking to get drunk and cutting, it is more important than the fact that I cannot make phone calls or feel good about my body. I have learned a lot of coping skills from DBT that I can use in typically situations but when things get extreme, I cannot apply them. Maybe this is from being traumatized or there is something wrong in my brain? I guess we'll find out!